When You Grieve for People You Don't Know

There’s a strange and heavy kind of grief that doesn’t come from personal loss — but from witnessing loss in the world. It may arrive suddenly, or as a weight that doesn’t make sense to explain. It’s not something most of us expect to feel so deeply, and that can make it confusing, unsettling, or even frightening. 

Recently in Minneapolis, people across the country have felt this kind of grief. Alex Pretti, a 37-year-old ICU nurse, described by friends and family as compassionate and dedicated, was fatally shot by federal agents in a clash during a protest while trying to help others. This came just weeks after another Minneapolis resident was killed by a federal agent in a separate incident that sparked protests and widespread public sorrow.  

You might not have known these individuals personally, but their loss may still strike a chord.

You may feel: 

• sadness for a life ended too soon 

• extreme anger that loss happened in this way 

• shock that people can die in moments meant for justice or peace 

• an ache for families and communities now carrying unimaginable pain 

• a sense of helplessness or overwhelm 

  
  

These feelings are valid. You are not “imagining too much,” and you are not weak for feeling deeply about something you didn’t personally experience. 

Why We Grieve Loss We Didn’t Know Personally 

When we see images, hear names, or feel the weight of a human life lost under tragic circumstances, our nervous systems register it. Our empathy connects us. Sometimes our hearts respond as if it could have been someone we love — because the capacity to care does not require a personal relationship. 

Grief for someone we don’t know personally isn’t second-rate grief — it’s human sympathy in action. It shows that your heart is awake to suffering, compassion, and the value of life. It’s a testament to your humanity, not a flaw. 

But this kind of grief can also be triggering. It can bring up memories of loss you’ve carried before, conversations you wished you’d had, or fears you thought you had tucked away. It can make your body tense, your chest ache, or your thoughts race. That’s because grief is not just emotional — it’s embodied. 

The Feelings That Come With This Loss 

When grief hits unexpectedly, you might notice: 

• A heaviness in your chest 

• Tears welling for no clear immediate reason 

• Anger or frustration, you don’t know how to express 

• A pull toward silence or shutting down 

• A desire to talk about it — or to avoid it completely 

  
  

These reactions are not random. They are your whole self, trying to process what’s happened. Sometimes grief comes as sadness. Sometimes, as anger. Sometimes, there is confusion, and sometimes all at once. 

None of this means you’re “overreacting.” It means your heart is present.

Finding Grounding When Grief Surges 

When grief feels overwhelming — even when it’s for someone you didn’t know — grounding can help your body feel steadier in the moment. Here are a few gentle ways to settle your nervous system when feelings rise: 

• Place your feet on the ground Feel the solid support beneath you. Notice the sensation of contact and weight in your body. 

• Breathe with intention Inhale slowly through your nose and exhale gently through your mouth a little longer. This subtle shift can help signal safety to your body. 

• Name one thing around you Look for one color, texture, or sound near you. Naming it aloud or silently can anchor you in the present. 

These are not “fixes.” They are small expressions of care — reminders that your body and heart are still here, still functioning, still capable of noticing a little peace even in the ache. 

Hope Without Pressure 

When we grieve for people we’ve never met — whether it’s due to violence, tragedy, or conflict — it can feel like our emotional reserves are deeper than we expected. That doesn’t make you fragile. It makes you connected. 

You are allowed to feel, to pause, to breathe, and to show up in grief at your own pace.